Is it too late to fix my relationship with my ex-girlfriend?
Question:
I'm 23. My ex-girlfriend is 21. It's been 7 months since we broke up.
I still am not over her. I still think of her every day and still hold onto the little hope that's inside of me.
It was a long, loving relationship. Despite me being toxic at times, she loved me with all her heart. I took her for granted. I let my insecurities get the best of me. I was verbally abusive to her and she couldn't take it anymore, and that despite all of the chances that she gave me.
Since the breakup, I have done a lot of self-reflection and have even been in therapy to help change my behavior. I realized that I treat those closest to me poorly because I think that they will never leave me.
Despite the nasty breakup, she even forgave me. We had a long text conversation about 4 months ago where I apologized for everything. We shared emotional texts and talked about how much we appreciated each other. She said that she will always care about me and that she will always look back at our relationship with fond memories.
Since our "closure" talk, I have reached out to her only a couple of times, but have been met with little to no response. I just don't know what to do to get her attention.
Recently, she went to study abroad in Italy until May, so she will be gone for a long time. I texted her to wish her well and to say that I was really happy for her, but no response.
The one thing I haven't tried, is to straight up tell her how much I want her back and how much I want to fix things. I honestly haven't said that yet because I wanted to take time to heal and work on myself.
Should I send her a long message pouring my heart out to her? I don't know if I should, considering she dumped me and I seem to be the only one trying to reach out. But then again, I did do her wrong and I should be taking action to work things out, right?
Answer:
As sorry as I am that your relationship didn't end well, I think it's best to let her go.
Continue working on moving on from the relationship, and focus on finding someone better suited.
If you've been seeing a therapist, I'm surprised that he or she hasn't taught you this principle that I'm about to share with you yet:
It is human nature that we tend to default to old patterns of behavior when we return to old environments or relationships.
In other words, no matter how much you improve as a person, if the two of you suddenly returned to the relationship, then you'd both probably just end up behaving the exact same way that you did before. So, eventually, you'd break up again.
This is the reason why, to give an example, even adults usually default to acting like teenagers when they're around their parents, even if they haven't seen each other for years.
Like I said, it's just human nature.
Plus, as you pointed out, she hasn't been responding. She's giving you a very obvious hint that she's had her closure, that she's moved on, and that she wants to have no further communication with you.
It's a lot wiser to think of this as a learning experience that prepared you for the right one. Your ex wasn't it. Neither of you were ready.
Good on you that you've realized that you need to change the way you treat the people closest to you. Now, unfollow your ex on social media, delete her contacts, and go out, find a girl, and treat her with the kindness and respect that she deserves.