My girlfriend’s friend is slowly ruining our relationship
Question:
My girlfriend and I are both 20. We’ve been dating for a month.
Things are going really well between us, but in the beginning of our relationship I noticed that her best friend seemed overly attached to her.
Her friend always wanted to join us when we facetimed and I kind of just went along with it because, even though I only wanted to talk to my girlfriend, I didn’t want to start arguing with her about it, so I tolerated her friend.
As time passed, her friend kept inviting herself into our phone calls I and got more and more annoyed by it but tried to keep it contained. Eventually she caught on to the fact that I didn’t have any interest in talking to her since we don’t have anything to bond over and I find her horribly boring.
These last couple of weeks she has been really rude and disrespectful towards me even though I’ve been trying to be nice to her. I sat down next to her today and she said something disrespectful. I didn’t have the energy to respond maturely so I told her to “shut the f*** up” and left the room.
I have a strong feeling that she’s jealous that her friend is spending less time with her because of me and I think she’s actively trying to sabotage our relationship. I also know that us not getting along must be really weighing on my girlfriend which I definitely don’t want.
What should I do?
Answer:
You girlfriend’s friend is acting immaturely, and I don’t think you can do much about that.
I do understand how annoyed you feel about her attitude, but telling her to shut up was a mistake. Now the cat is out of the bag. If that girl disliked you before, now she hates you, and she might actually try to sabotage the relationship.
Had you talked about her to your girlfriend before, instead of bottling up your feelings, then maybe she could have helped you to set some boundaries.
Anyway, you now need to fix this situation. Here’s what you can do:
I suggest you talk to your girlfriend first. Say something like this:
“I want to apologize to your friend for telling her to shut up. Before that, however, I need to talk to you about something. From the beginning, she’s been getting in between us. I understand that she’s your friend and I won’t tell you to stop spending time with her, but I am at my wit’s end. I’m your boyfriend, and I want to have quality time with you, alone. I’m also offended at the way that your friend talks to me. From now on, if she joins us in a call or when we’re together, I’ll leave. If you want to spend time with her, that’s fine, but I’ll wait until she’s gone so I can be alone with you.”
Then go apologize to the friend. Say something like this:
“I want to apologize to you for telling you to shut up the other day. I shouldn’t have reacted that way. However, you have been saying very mean things to me for no reason. You also have not been giving my girlfriend and I enough space to have quality time by ourselves. I am not here to take your friend away from you, but if you’re not going to act more maturely, than I don’t want to be around you. Next time you get on a call between my girlfriend and I, or come join us when we’re together, I’ll leave. Feel free to spend time with your friend, but I will wait until you’re gone so I can have quality time with my girlfriend, alone.”
I hope your girlfriend begins to see that her friend isn’t really her friend. She’s trying to sabotage her relationship with you. It’s such unnecessary drama.
That being said, it’s only been a month. Depending on how your girlfriend handles this situation, I think you need to plan for a breakup if she fails to even attempt to set appropriate boundaries. You don’t want to be in a relationship with a doormat.