My girlfriend snoops around my private affairs but hates it when I do it to her
Question:
My girlfriend and I are 19 years old. We’ve been in a relationship for two months.
We’re both international exchange students from different countries, currently residing in Europe.
The first time we got together was after Christmas, when she invited me to her place. I later found out that she had planned to have a different guy over who cancelled on her. I saw the messages that they exchanged and she clearly was more excited to see him than to see me.
She’s very active on Instagram, has some 600 message requests (mostly from guys), and gets very nervous when I look at her DMs. However, she routinely checks out mine. Every time I catch her DMing some guy, she admits that she lied to me and starts crying.
My parents have been in town and met her, whereas she has been keeping me a secret from her parents. She won’t even tell me anything about her past, when I have told her pretty much everything about mine.
We are each other’s first love, but I’m having doubts. I don’t want this to go to waste but I also don’t want to waste my time. What should I do?
Answer:
I’m so sorry that this is happening to you.
It’s clear to me that her intention is not to have a relationship where you are equals and love and support each other.
Instead, her intention is to have a stuffed toy animal that she can drag around and cuddle with whenever she feels like it. When she doesn’t, she wants it to be on the bed, look cute, and not make a move.
She wants to control your life, keep you for herself, but wants to keep her own options open. She keeps DMing other guys for attention, validation, and maybe an emotional affair. You’re her plan B in case she can’t find a guy who she likes better.
It might be your first relationship, but it’s also been only 2 months, and the honeymoon phase usually lasts longer. She’s already showing you who she truly is. She’s not serious about this relationship.
First relationship or not, you deserve better. You should break up with her and move on.