My boyfriend promised not to flirt with a girl but lied to me
Question:
My boyfriend and I are both 25 years old. We’ve been in a relationship for seven years.
Before we began our relationship, he was talking to me and to another girl. He wound up choosing me over her.
The other girl, however, didn’t give up. She kept trying to reach out to him throughout all those years.
About four years ago, I noticed that he was sending flirty messages to her, so I asked him to block her. At that time, he agreed without hesitation. I asked him to promise me not to talk to her, and he promised me he wouldn’t.
Fast-forward to the present, and I’ve recently found out that they’ve been at it again, and for a few months already.
I felt betrayed that he broke his promise. I confronted him about it and he got mad. He told me that he’s allowed to stay in touch with his childhood friend, and that I should be in a better place now, so I should just feel OK about it.
Am I overreacting? Why is he acting like breaking the promise is not a big deal?
Answer:
I’m so sorry that this is happening to you.
He’s clearly having an emotional affair. The fact that he’s so defensive and secretive about it is proof.
Even if it isn’t an emotional affair, then at the very least, he enjoys getting attention from her.
I know that it hurts to hear this, and I don’t mean to be rude about it, but the fact that he was talking to both of you at the same time in the beginning, was a red flag. He clearly indicated that he’s not commitment material, and that he’ll get attention elsewhere if he wants to.
Even outside of all of that though, he made a promise, and he broke it. That means that he’s capable of breaking other promises. He’s capable of lying to you about other things.
To make matters worse, he doesn’t even seem to be someone who you can have a reasonable conversation with. He flips the roles, turns the facts around, makes you look like the villain (even though you’re the victim), and shuts you down.
Is this the kind of home life you want to have in the future?
I think that you deserve better.